And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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