How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
