Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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