Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
