I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize