I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
