Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
