I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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