Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
