Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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