i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
