I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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