I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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