If i come over, it means nothing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
