I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
