Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
