Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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