Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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