I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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