I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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