You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
