Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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