I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
