I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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