this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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