awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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