Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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