non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
