Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
