Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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