hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
