woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
