what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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