Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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