He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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