Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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