I think my vagina is haunted
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
