Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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