we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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