There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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