You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
