You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
