I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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