Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize