Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to make a zoo with you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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