So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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