Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
