I CAN MOONWALK!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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