he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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