coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
