i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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