He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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