I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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