it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
