youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
