I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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