i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
