Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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