before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
