We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
