Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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