dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
