So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
