he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
