lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
