She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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