i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
