There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
