4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
