so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
