Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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