It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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