Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
