Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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