But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
