im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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