Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
