I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
