I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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