I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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